Relationships – Singleness
We are in a series on Relationships. We are all born into a family, then we made friends outside the family. The next stage is singleness. We are all born single. Today, almost 50% of adults are single. They’ve either never married, are divorced, or are a widow or widower. If you are married, you were single first and there is a good chance you may be single again one day. We can all learn from this topic.
The Significance of Singleness
In Genesis 2:18, God said that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. God’s command to Adam and to Noah was to be fruitful and multiply. Malachi 2:15 says that God seeks godly offspring. Marriage and children have always been the blessing of God. This is how the people of God were growing. Singleness in the Old Testament was discouraged. However, look at Isaiah 53:8-10 and 54:1. For those who struggle with not having children because of singleness or because of infertility, this is a picture of reproduction that supersedes natural childbirth. Jesus wasn’t single, yet He would have many children. “Godly offspring comes through spiritual regeneration not physical procreation.”
In the New Testament, right in between Jesus’ teaching on divorce and where he blessed the children, His disciples concluded that it is better not to marry than to have a bad marriage. Jesus then shocked them by saying some will choose to be celibate for the sake of the Kingdom (Matt. 19:10-12). Paul also talked about singleness. We know that he was not against marriage (1 Tim. 4:1-3, 5:14), and in fact, probably was married at some point. (He was a member of the Sanhedrin so scholars believe that his wife probably died and he was a widower.) However, Paul does give words of caution. In 1 Corinthians 7:7-9, he says it’s good to remain single but better to marry than to burn with desire. Passion and attraction are from God. No one says, “That is the ugliest person I have ever seen, I think I will marry them.” Fire can be good or bad, it all depends on the placement. In a fireplace it brings warmth, happiness, and light. In the middle of the floor, it will burn down and destroy your house. The only relationship that can keep the fire of passion contained is marriage. Later in that chapter, Paul says it is because of the “present distress” that he thinks it’s good to remain single, and that there will be added “trouble” for those who marry. Paul is being a realist. Marriage and singleness both have their own set of benefits and burdens. If you are single and you think getting married will solve all your troubles, think again! You are going to have a whole new set of troubles, being concerned about your spouse and your kids. Paul did not want singles to miss the blessing of singleness while waiting to be married. You can be frustrated in your singleness, or you can take advantage of the season and maximize your time for the Kingdom. The world acts like the solution to singleness is marriage and the solution to marriage is singleness. The Bible certainly shows the benefits of marriage and of singleness. Marriage is awesome. It is God’s plan, but so is singleness. Singles should not feel like they are missing out on something or are second-class citizens. Singleness is hard. So is marriage, college, grad school, work, and parenting!
The Door of Dating
From a young age, there is such pressure to find a date. You hear people asking children if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is like our identity is in our status. You can be single and be complete! Our identity is in Jesus, not people. I am not against dating God’s way, but I am against dating the world’s way. In Song of Solomon 8:8-9, an analogy is given of a wall and a door. Morally you are either a wall or a door. Don’t open the door of your heart to anyone or everyone. Dating the world’s way gives you the world’s results. Hook up, shack up, and break up does not lead to a great love life. The devil is a liar. 1 Corinthians 6:16-18 says sexual sin is like no other sin. You hurt yourself at the deepest level. Misplaced passion can be destructive in your life. Satan wants you to burn out and burn up, but God wants you to burn bright for Him. Fight fire with fire, not with shame. Our God is a consuming fire. Whether you are married or single, be on fire for God. God made us to give ourselves away, but His way – in marriage.
The Gift of Grace
When talking about marriage and singleness, Paul says, “…each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that” (1 Cor. 7:7). Singleness is not a curse. Marriage is not a curse. Both are a gift. The word for gift is the word grace. God’s grace is all-sufficient. It takes grace to be married, to come home to the same person every day, and it takes grace to be single, to come home to an empty house. Whatever your status, you have a gift and you have grace. Everything on earth passes away. Marriage is not eternal (Matt. 22:30). Keep eternity in mind. Use your marriage to advance the Gospel. Use your singleness to advance the Gospel. You may say, “Preacher that’s good, but it is too late for me. I’ve messed up. I don’t deserve a godly mate.” Jesus said, “Let him without sin cast the first stone.” We all need Jesus. God will remove the stain of shame. Grace is greater than all our sins.