Relationships – Marriage

Next in the Relationships series we will look at what the Bible has to say about marriage.

 

Priority

Genesis 2:24-25 says, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.” That is a great definition of marriage! Two become ONE. They are not naked and afraid, but naked and unashamed. Marriage is one man, one woman, worshipping one God, in one church, living in one house, sleeping in one bed, sharing one bank account, loving each other for one lifetime. Just like we read about singleness in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul also talks a good bit about marriage in that chapter. First he says, “it is good for a man not to use a woman for sex” but that each man and woman should have sexual relations with their own spouse (v. 1-2). If she is your girlfriend, she is not your wife. If he is your boyfriend, he is not your husband. We aren’t to exploit, use, or abuse people. Marriage turns ME into WE. It’s not HIS and HERS, but OURS. Your spouse should be priority. Don’t give your best to work, hobbies, your kids, etc. Give your best to your spouse. Surrender your rights and take up your responsibilities. Verse 3 says that “a husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.” The context is sex. I heard a preacher say one time, “Desire can light a fire but only duty can keep it burning.” Marriage is not always picture perfect. It is not based solely on desire but on duty. Go to work. Come home and work. You have to work at your marriage! It is not about what we get out of it, but what we give to it. Marriage is where romance meets reality. It requires givers not takers. This is the delight of duty! Are you trying to please everyone? We are not called to that! We are to please God and our mate (v. 33-34).

 

Privacy

“A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does” (1 Cor. 7:4). Paul is not saying that you have the right to demand and the other must comply. Never use this verse to demand, but only to give away. The first sentence would be no surprise in Paul’s day. Men treated women like property. Women had no rights. But the next sentence was totally counter-cultural in a misogynistic society. He flipped it to mutual submission, satisfaction, and fulfillment. This gave wives equality, equal say and authority. Ladies, if he is beating you, harming your body, don’t just call on Jesus, call the police! A husband and wife are life partners. “Miss” Tammy and I are in this together. There are no secrets and there is no restricted access. Tammy has access to everything of mine – my phone, computer, etc. In Ephesians 5 we read that a husband is to love his wife unconditionally. Love is not conditional – “You can have this but not that.” In marriage you share the bed and bank account! 1 Corinthians 7:5 says we are not to deprive our spouse. Stop depriving each other. Again, it is not about getting but giving.

 

Permanency

The world views a marriage license like a hunting, fishing, or driver’s license that expires in a few years. Dating is, “I can still dump you,” but marriage is, “I am not going anywhere regardless of what has happened.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 makes it clear that God’s plan for marriage is for life. You can’t kick out your spouse when you are tired of them or move on to someone new when your marriage feels old. It is hard for God to bless your present season when all you are doing is trying to get out of it. God can’t bless a lack of commitment. The Hollywood perspective of marriage is romantic. The Holy Word perspective is realistic. Paul says there will be trouble in marriage (1 Cor. 7:28). Relationships are complicated. Men and women are wired differently. You are going to be miffed, aggravated, and irritated. Remember though, no spouse gets up every morning with the goal of seeing how many things they can do to drive their mate crazy. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. Recognize it, stop and apologize. No marriage is perfect or 100%. Marriage will not keep you from ever being lonely, being tempted, or having problems. Don’t try to make it something it’s not. Marriage is good but it is not God. Marriage cannot give us what only God can give us. Don’t make an idol out of any earthly relationship. Marriage is “till death do us part,” not “till he does this or till she does that.”  What are the conditions to your love?  Remember that God loves us unconditionally and we love because He first loved us.